It's the elephant in the room.
But I'm prepared to go there – where most people can't or won't.
Because as a qualified sexologist, I've seen firsthand how power dynamics in the bedroom reflect power dynamics in all the other parts of your life.
Including your business.
This has been an ever-present topic in private mentoring sessions this year in particular – where what does or doesn’t happen behind closed doors is having a profound ripple effect on or is being mirrored in the business.
Sometimes this ripple effect is so problematic, my client doesn’t have a safe space to get excited about the business and its growth because they go home to a partner that doesn’t seem to care or get it. When their partner doesn’t get it, they default to avoiding further conflict and end up working extensively on personal hours too, just to feel the aliveness of their purpose in a space that no longer feels like a sanctuary.
So, if you've ever sensed or experienced firsthand resistance from your partner around your ambition, growth, investments or success, this thought piece has been crafted to speak directly to you.
Here's what I used to work with that reminds me of where you’re at today:
When clients came to me in my s-x therapy years, they often brought up their own challenges, frustrations, avoidance or blockages in the bedroom.
But it wasn't uncommon for the real issue to be with their partner who was either unwilling or unable to recognise their part in the equation.
The women that came to me said it was their problem to solve but what wasn't being addressed behind closed doors was the role their partner played in perpetuating “the problem”.
It also really didn’t help them to feel safe, supported, let alone s-xual, when their biggest fear was: if I don’t do something about this, my relationship could be over.
That fear was systemic in her relationship and naturally followed her into the bedroom creating a seemingly un-interceptable loop.
And that anxiety would breed another anxiety where she would spend an inordinate amount of energy protecting her partner and leaving her own energy unprotected in the process.
She was always making sure they were painted in a certain light; that they weren’t challenged or asked to go beyond their comfort zone.
She would put herself and her desires second to her partners – working so hard to tolerate her own discomfort in order to create infinite comfort for her partner - doing anything (even coming to s-x therapy alone) to prevent rocking the boat so that she could secure the relationship, for now and the future.
The woman sitting before me wanted things to be different…better for the relationship but that couldn't happen in a silo of one.
She was there, willing to expand, change and go deeper but her partner wasn’t prepared to meet her in that expansion.
Her partner would simply stay rooted in comfort or disinterest.
The usual line was, "This is a *you* problem – I'm fine. You work on it".
I see this same dynamic showing up in business.
If your partner expresses doubt, dismisses your next big idea, or questions why you'd want to invest in or expand your business further, it creates an undercurrent that stifles your growth and impact.
They brush off your dreams, rhetorically asking, "Do you really need to do that?”
and instead of being excited and bounding ahead, you deflate and say: “I suppose I don’t need to…”
They make comments that undermine your goals or question the time, money and energy you invest.
They're unable to be fully present to celebrate your wins, and there are times where it feels like they’re blind to your progress, or just indifferent to your vision.
These behaviours do more than hold back your capacity to open in your relationship and the bedroom – they create limits around the exact expansion you're craving in your business.
Cue the conflict where you perpetually feel like you have to choose –
keep the business plateauing to keep the peace in the relationship and maintain the status quo…
OR
rock the boat at home and expand the business in order to disrupt the status quo?
I’m going to say what no one else will.
You don’t have to choose.
Frankly, you shouldn’t have to.
We’re now firmly planted in an era of both – where you can have a satisfying business and a deep, nourishing and supportive relationship.
The censoring of yourself and your power in what is meant to be one of the safest spaces in your life to be all of yourself, is an old protective skin that is no longer required.
If you’re realising your relationship has been a power leak for your business, here’s where you can take the power back…
Firstly, your partner isn’t to blame for your business issues – this is about awareness, choice and, as always, personal power.
When you recognise these dynamics for what they are, you get to reset the standards that started to droop IF you:
open the door to address them
devote yourself to communicating more succinctly from a place of desire and
be brazen enough to make calls that align with your true vision and values
If I asked you directly, I know you’d instinctively say your relationship is one of your highest values in your life.
Now, this value can be experienced as something even richer, juicier and more satisfying for both of you.
Rather than habitually contract, get a surge of anticipation that things are going to be even better.
Know that when you step up, ask for what you want and draw new lines in concrete, you open up a powerful opportunity for your partner to step up too.
We all need a pattern-disrupt from time to time and the shadow side of femininity is, we become passive - waiting for something outside of ourselves to instigate it. This isn’t to say you’re passive because you’re not. But you can be an active person who is passive about something charged in one distinct area of your life and what I’ve witnessed over 13 years is:
Whip smart women take over-action in their business and unspecified action in their relationship.
I get you’re doing a lot already. As always, what I put to you isn’t about more action but precise action. Precise action comes from facing what you’re yet to face (which is the exact work I do).
My best advice is: When it comes to what you say you value, don’t wait for an irreversible, dire situation outside of your control to address what you have power and influence over today.
Secondly, your partner isn’t your business confidante so stop treating them as such. When you go to them to hold all your business woes, they’re going to give you the exact answers your shadow is looking for:
I told you to just stop that/quit already…
I knew this would happen…
Well that was a waste of money…
Or alternatively comfort your little girl inside who just wants to have her hair stroked and hear:
I’m sorry. It’s not your fault the business isn’t working the way you want - it’s got nothing to do with you, it’s everyone else. I know you’ve done all that you can.
Your partner can’t and shouldn’t hold your business problems. They aren’t equipped to, even if they run their own business or are directly involved in your business.
Your intimate relationship is sacred, erotic territory and when it’s expected to hold absolutely everything and be the go-to place to put every concern or problem you have, it gets de-identified.
Your partner isn’t meant to be your everything and that isn’t just OK, it’s vital. Necessary. (I referenced this a lot in the s-x therapy days).
They aren’t meant to hold your business woes or give you business advice or…
GIVE YOU PERMISSION.
So stop going to them as the source of these things and source it elsewhere. You paying someone else to hold the power dynamics in your business is you indirectly investing back into your relationship.
Thirdly, addressing all of this is going to require more than one hard conversation.
But you’ve had those before…you’re seasoned in hard conversations. Now you get to feel the power of initiating one from a place of sovereignty (AKA I belong to me. I know what I know. This is what I know to be true).
Being a woman in business means having hard conversations in your business and outside of it.
Hard conversations don’t go away. We simply get better at not only holding them when they arise but creating the ideal conditions in our life and business where it doesn’t get to that point that they’re even needed.
This hard conversation you and I are having right now is an opening to end one stale cycle in your relationship so you can enter an elevated one.
This is a call to stop tolerating a relationship with your partner that’s leaving you numb in all the parts you’re meant to be on fire.
You’re meant to be on fire - in your business, your body…all the way to what happens in your bedroom.
Because if it’s happening in one, it’s happening in the other.
You and I could do deep, pivotal and exacting work for your business within the sanctity of Power Portal over the course of the month.
But if you’re going home to a partner that:
Isn’t supportive
Doesn’t “get” your business or what’s required to keep it going or
Criticises the money you waste on your “expensive hobby”
And you default into tend-and-befriend around this, trying to keep the peace and placating your partner...
…Well, that exacting and pivotal work we do together for your business will only go so far.
That’s why in Power Portal, we cross-examine and cross-reference both
Your voice and power in your business and relationship.
It all starts with the high-touch, half-day intensive, where we'll go beyond the surface, unpacking the hidden influences that are keeping you in a limiting loop.
From there, we do the root work to activate the inner shifts that create powerful, lasting change – not just in your business but beyond, all the way into your bedroom (even if we don’t explicitly discuss it).
I have 3 x Power Portal Plus places available before the year closes out at the investment of A$4995 (payment plans available).
If you're ready to confront what's truly holding you back in all areas so you can build from a place of precision and conviction, click here to secure your spot in Power Portal.
Lauren xo
P.S. Want to specifically address the power leaks in your relationship in Power Portal before you even look at what’s going on in your business? Rest assured, your pre-intensive Deep Dive requests you list your priorities of what you want to address. You’re safe to be held and go where you know you need to go…